scorpio
16nov
|
Saturday, September 11, 2010
i drank a little last night. i know i did it on purpose. to drink and ask for more. at the same time i do not worry for i know my limit. though i came out tipsy i wasnt due to the drinking but due to the empty stomach before the drink itself. i could still walk. i could still talk. and most importantly i am very sober. and its not about drowning sorrows.
at one moment, i wanted to top the glass. but the next moment, i stopped the pouring. its only through laughing and singing that i can stop tears from flowing. i wanted to walk home, but in the state that i was in, i thought i had better not. i sang as though i had not done so in ages (but in real fact i had not done so in a while). i dont know how to control my emotions so all i can do is to keep drinking and singing. i forgot what did i sing afterall. i only hear myself screaming a little tearing down the heart walls and rebuilding them at the same time. the earlier part of the day was a nightmare and i had to keep the tears in so that i wouldnt mess up the makeup and scare my colleagues. the later part of the day was a drama for i was just going a little wild and rowdy trying to keep up my usual level of highness. gotten a lift from bear. at the lift lobby i bumped into a man, and from that moment i ran home straight. msn chat with domodyng was left hanging for i was falling in and out of sleep and the lapse was 30 minutes each time. im sorry and i think i said some random nonsensical stuffs. needed to talk badly for at the moment in time i was torn. torn apart and frantically trying to repair. urgent need to talk coupled with urgent need to be alone. its not confused mind. its the heart's intention to keep itself busy. but in the end, the alcohol in me knocked me unconscious. while the tears fell of its own accord. |